<MoonShad0w> hahah
<snacky> MoonShad0w: you spelled that backwards.
<MoonShad0w> oh, so I did
<MoonShad0w> whoops
<MoonShad0w> What would I do without you, snacky ? :P
<snacky> a lot of things would go wrong, and eventually civilization
would end
<snacky> so I guess you would hunt mostly small game, and you would
gather roots, berries, and grubs
<snacky> if you like to fish, it's actually a great lifestyle
<soulinhades> ultimately you would de-evolve into a bacteria
<snacky> it's more likely than you might think.
<soulinhades> what a horrendous possibility.
<davsie> Snacky
<davsie> After reading the chat I have decided you are to be my
designated story teller. Story please!
<snacky> davsie: HOLY SHIT
<snacky> davsie: I am so glad you asked.
<snacky> davsie: once upon a time, there was a great civilization, and
everything was very harmonious and prosperous.
<snacky> but it collapsed, because I wasn't there.
<snacky> davsie: in the aftermath, there were a few scattered survivors
in the wilderness
<davsie> 10/10 would read again.
<snacky> not done!
<davsie> I'm on the edge of my seat, or er, bed. Whatever. continue.
<davsie> You modern day Bard, you.
<snacky> davsie: at first, few of the survivors ever encountered each
other. they lived hard lives of hunting and gathering. it was a
satisfying lifestyle, but a very unreliable way to get by.
injury and death was routine
<snacky> davsie: but over the course of generations, singles became
couples and couples became families and groups of families
became bands of tribes. and few people lived alone.
<snacky> these post-civilization survivors found great value in the
companionship of one another, and by cooperating with each
other, they could do things like make fishing nets, take down
big game, build permanent shelters from the elements, and heal
one another
<davsie> Pause!
<davsie> Request please.
<davsie> No fairy-tale happy endings; doesn't have to be bad but still!
<davsie> Continue!
<snacky> for a time, life was actually rather nice in most parts. people
knew there was more to gain by cooperating with one another and
all the bands and tribes were always glad whenever they
encountered another band or tribe because they could usually
help each other out a lot.
<snacky> the mountain-tribes learned of the ores of the earth, and they
became expert in extracting them and making useful tools out of
them. these tools were traded to all corners of the earth and
greatly reduced the daily toil
<snacky> the river-tribes were so expert at harvesting the water that,
like, nobody ever got vitamin d deficiency, even those mountain
weirdos who never go outside.
<snacky> the plains tribes made so many fishooks and brushes and hides
from the wild animals that all people everywhere were clothed
and enriched by all the tools
<sn0wflake>
<soulinhades> tools l0l
<snacky> then one day, a tribe showed up calling themselves the sun
people. they would travel all the lands meeting each tribe
individually, and bargain for the goods of the other tribe
<snacky> but the sun tribe wasn't really bargaining - they were making a
disguised inquiry as to what was available to steal. the sun
tribe would then surprise the other tribe in combat and take
all their goodies and leave to the next location
<snacky> this kept on for a while, and because of their wealth and also
their practiced expertise at combat, the sun tribe had the best
warriors in all the lands.
<davsie> Please tell me some one else is enjoying this story as much as
I am.
<snacky> eventually, when they showed up, the opposing tribe would just
offer tribute for free because they were going to lose it
anyway and it was less costly than fighting
<soulinhades> wow a wall
<snacky> whenver the sun tribe wanted the products of a particular
tribe, they would just travel there in mass and send out small
groups of troops to rip off different villages inhabited by
peaceful tribes
<snacky> one day, Gruhhumphth-Khreeeeuuuuck, PATOOIE (Gruh for short),
the latest and most prominent leader of the sun tribes, had an
epiphany
<snacky> their current strategy was to ride in and wreck everyone's shit
and take all the goodies and then leave.
<snacky> an even better strategy would be to ride in and subdue the
population and STAY, and extract regular payments from the
subdued tribes
<snacky> he gathered all his warlords to teach them how to execute these
new plans. each warlord would try to capture as much territory
with as many slave-tribes as possible. and the warlord would
get the privilege of ruling over his captured lands and would
get to keep a portion of the tribute (forwarding the rest to
Gruh)
<snacky> the warlords who were best at war and subduing became also the
richest and most powerful. they built splendid palaces and took
whatever slaves they wanted
<davsie> I like this Gruh fellow, hes eh nice guy and doesnt afraid of
anything
<snacky> Gruh was so busy raping captured slaves he almost didn't have
time to rule, but in between rapes, he gave a variety of edicts
to his warlords to ensure that their system would last.
<snacky> first and foremost, that any traveling tribes with warrior
capabilities similar to the sun tribe must be killed without
mercy, because it is already proven that these are the only
kinds of tribes that have the capability of doing what the sun
tribe has already done
<snacky> secondly, that the subdued tribes must each be stuck with their
own warlord. nothing can ever be done in the warlord's domain
that he does not allow. the warlord would now control all
inter-village travel and trade, and he would replace the
tribes' elder councils and dispense his own justice
<snacky> this went on for a few generations, and by that time, almost
everyone except the sun tribe had forgotten how things got this
way.
<snacky> for all they knew, the warlords - with their great palaces and
their many servants - were rightful rulers, and after all,
justice came from the warlords, right?
<snacky> there was one very old man in one village who just barely
remembered what things were like before.
<snacky> one time, when he was telling stories, his great grandchildren
noticed, for the first time, that the old man was remembering a
time that was unlike what anyone had ever seen. the old man's
stories didn't make sense, so they challenged him:
<snacky> without the warlord to give justice, who decided disputes and
stopped lawbreakers?
<snacky> the old man wasn't sure. he allowed that there may have never
been any justice before.
<GeneralAntilles> Story time with snackman
<snacky> without the warlord to tell us which things we must do and
which things we must not do, how did anyone ever get anything
done?
<snacky> the old man didn't know. he allowed that maybe a lot of people
didn't do anything useful all day and people didn't know what
they should be doing.
<snacky> the children asked, without the warlords, who would make these
magnificent palaces of which we are all so proud?
<snacky> the old man did know the answer to this one: there never were
any palaces before (the memories of the earlier civilization
were now completely gone, so as far as he knew, this was
accurate)
<snacky> and one last question, asked the children. without the
warlords, who are the best warriors, what kept the tribes from
constantly warring with one another, and thereby killing and
enslaving a lot of people constantly (not to mention wrecking
all their shit)?
<snacky> this one, the old man thought he knew. there were some battles,
and people killed and spoils taken. but then the sun tribe came
in and there were only a few final battles, then never any
battle again.
<snacky> now, at this point, the children didn't believe the old man's
story since it didn't seem to add up too well.
<snacky> even so, they wanted to humor him, so they patted him on the
back and marvelled at how amazing it must have been to be the
only man still living who got to witness the onset of peace.
<snacky> the end.